Bernie D.
About Bernie D.
Life changes quickly. Significantly. Dramatically. Without warning. Sometimes without mercy. And when it knocks on our door, we are often unprepared and unwelcoming. But caregivers are a special kind of human. Defeat and hopelessness are not in their vernacular. The humility and selflessness ingrained in caregivers are traits that can never truly be understood unless it is happening to you. And the bond developed when people are at their most vulnerable is beyond anything you could describe.
This submission is for our mom, Bernie.
If you ask our mom what she wanted to be when she grew up, she’d answer with “a mother”. She was just shy of six years old when her own mother passed. For many years, she dreamed about being the mother she always wished she had. While God had plans for her to become a mother, and later a grandmother, He was preparing her to be a caregiver in a way that none of us could imagine.
In December of 2018, our dad was diagnosed with stage IV prostate cancer that had metastasized to his bones. Once a very active man – fishing, biking and playing on the floor with his grandkids – he couldn’t even walk from the car into the emergency room, where he was later diagnosed.
Our dad was in the hospital for six weeks following the news, and while our mom was present daily, we would never call her a visitor. She was a champion, a warrior, an advocate. Making sure our dad was getting the care he deserved, whether it was more attention from the doctors to ensuring his meals arrived on time. She took notes, questioned decisions, and logged long hours in a place that most people avoid at all costs.
Together, they have jumped many hurdles throughout this journey: spinal surgery, radiation, physical and occupational therapy, and finally his return home which was nothing like when he left six weeks prior. Learning to adjust to our dad’s new abilities at home has been the most challenging as he still has very limited mobility and requires additional care. Because she is human, there are days she feels exhausted and overwhelmed, but she digs deep into her soul and finds a way to keep moving. To keep exuding the strength that is contagious to anyone who crosses her path.
The news of our dad’s cancer was jaw-dropping. None of us knew how to react or how to help, except our mom. Our mom is rock solid. Celebrating the small victories while giving herself permission to grieve. She continues to set the perfect example of a mom and wife. Keeping and exceeding her promise to love and to cherish for the last 37 years and many more.
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