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If Your Loved One Has Prostate Cancer: Advice for Partners, Adult Children, and Caregivers

Supporting someone with prostate cancer can be challenging, especially for partners, adult children, and anyone in a primary support role. Feelings of stress, worry, grief, and frustration are common and normal during the early stages of diagnosis and treatment—and anytime there’s a significant change in your loved one’s health.

Your role as a primary support person will naturally evolve as your loved one’s physical and emotional needs change. This can add an extra layer of challenge for you both, but it’s also an opportunity to get closer and stronger together.

From helping you learn about prostate cancer to navigating treatment, side effects, recovery, and survivorship, PCF is here for you, walking beside you on this journey.We offer a wide variety of resources tailored to your questions and needs, connecting you with experts and most importantly, others who have traveled this path. 
A few suggestions to get started:

Learn About Prostate Cancer
Use PCF.org to learn about prostate cancer. Educating yourself can help you reduce unknowns, boost your sense of personal agency, and advocate for your loved one.

Reassure Him Out Loud
A cancer diagnosis can raise strong fears about whether loved ones will support and accompany the patient. This may be especially true if he is used to serving as a provider, rather than a receiver, of material or emotional support.

So, whether you are his spouse or partner, adult child, or close friend, tell your loved one how much he means to you—and reassure him you’re here for him, now and in the future.

Sit Together and Plan
Being newly diagnosed with cancer also creates many new decisions—treatment options, time off for recovery, financial planning, whom to tell what, how to get necessary support, and more. While stressful, these decisions will be much easier if you and your loved one sit down and plan together.

It likely won’t be a single conversation. But getting started can help you understand each other, deepen trust, and feel more united as a team. So, choose a place you’ve had a loving, supportive conversation in the past—a favorite sofa, porch, etc. Sit down together during a relatively quiet moment and give the conversation the attention it deserves.

Consider What He Needs Right Now
Some people who have cancer want or need a lot of support right away. Others want to function very independently for as long as they can. Neither approach is better. But to keep the communication clear, it will help to consider—and invite your loved one to share—what support he needs right now.

Consider whether he needs/wants you to:

  • Help him make and remember healthcare appointments
  • Go to appointments with him, as his care advocate
  • Send questions or updates to his care team
  • Fill prescriptions, and help him take medications as prescribed
  • Track side effects and how he’s feeling in general
  • Organize meal trains and other sources of practical support
  • Help him figure out how to triage prior responsibilities (what to keep doing and what to let go)
  • Update people you two have agreed to tell
  • Serve as a buffer to help him protect his time and energy

Ask Providers What to Expect
Ask your loved one’s healthcare team what to expect during prostate cancer treatment. How might it affect his moods, physical abilities, and body functions? How might these change over time? Who can provide professional support to navigate these changes if needed?
Your care team thinks a lot about these topics every day, so don’t hesitate to ask. Their knowledge can help you plan and adjust.

Consider a Support Group for You—and For Him
The adage is true—those in the same boat know best what you’re going through. Support groups help loved ones and caregivers connect with others who are navigating this role, providing essential comfort and practical advice when needed. The Prostate Cancer Foundation offers a free, moderated, online support group for loved ones and caregivers, as well as separate patient support groups tailored to specific demographics and needs. Many cancer treatment centers also offer support groups for loved ones/caregivers and for patients.

It may take time to find the right support group, so if the first one isn’t a fit, keep looking. If you feel stuck, ask your care team for suggestions from a nurse navigator or social worker.

Don’t Ask Your Loved One—or Yourself—to Always Stay Positive
Research suggests that continually calling for optimism or positivity may not help someone with cancer if that’s not how they really feel. The same is true for loved ones and caregivers. An incredibly wide range of emotions are absolutely normal during a cancer journey, including feelings we historically think of as ‘negative.’ As much as you can, accept how each of you feels. This can bring you closer and free up essential energy for navigating treatment, recovery, survivorship, and practical decisions.

Look After Yourself
You’re in this for the long haul—and you can do the best job of supporting your loved one if you also take care of yourself. This is never easy during stress, but small steps can make a big difference. That might mean getting more sleep, aiming for a walk in the morning or evening, making a healthier meal, calling a friend, or taking a few minutes to sit and breathe.

‘Support In, Dump Out’
After a prostate cancer diagnosis, your loved one may no longer be able to support you emotionally the way he did in the past. This is very common and completely normal, but it takes time to adjust to. Fortunately, there are practical strategies that can help you stay balanced. One helpful approach is known as Ring Theory, or ‘Support In, Dump Out.’

Picture your loved one at the center of a circle. As the person with cancer, he likely needs the most support and has less capacity than usual to support others. But you, his main support person, also need substantial support, including emotional support. So send your support in to your loved one, and try ‘dumping out’ to people you trust who are not quite as affected by the situation (ie, further away from the center of the circle).

Is there an adult family member, neighbor, activity partner, friend, pastor, counselor, or support group member you’ve made a connection with? Do they seem to listen well and respect confidentiality? Ask them if it’s okay to talk from time to time. The ‘Support In, Dump Out’ strategy can help you stay strong for your loved one during the entire path of diagnosis, treatment, and recovery—by getting the crucial support you need for yourself.

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